WINNERS & LOSERS
[WINNERS]
BOB DYLAN Newly issued 1966 concert record-ing shows brilliance being born. How does it feel? Astonishing
MICHAEL JORDAN Jury rejects lawsuit by filmmakers and gives him $50,000 in damages. Like he needs it
BILL CLINTON Teetering on impeachment, he wins everything in the budget deal but Dick Armey’s shorts
[& LOSERS]
MARGARET THATCHER She offers to donate her handbags to Cambridge, but they say no. Must not have had shoes to match
KERRY COLLINS Didn’t he know he didn’t want to be a starting NFL quarterback before he signed a fat contract?
GEORGE WASHINGTON & CO. Oliver Stone films Founding Fathers, finds U.S.A. created so that we could get into Vietnam
TOO FAR, TOO FAST
For weeks, former Senator Bob Dole has been warning the Republicans investigating Bill Clinton to avoid overreaching, which may explain why House Judiciary Committee chairman Henry Hyde last week floated the idea that the panel might focus on just a few of the 15 charges that are facing Clinton. Such downsizing may be a shrewd move, considering some of these great moments in the history of overreaching.
Strong Man with a Strong Hand: French Emperor Napoleon, who by 1812 had conquered most of Europe
Then He Overreached… …and invaded Russia. His army was destroyed.
On the Bright Side: Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture is an irresistible toe-tapper
[Strong Man with a Strong Hand:] Confederate General Robert E. Lee, whose troops on Day 1 at Gettysburg routed the Yanks
[Then He Overreached…] …spent the next two days shattering his army against the Union defenses.
[On the Bright Side:] The battlefield is now a great boon to tourism in central Pennsylvania
[Strong Man with a Strong Hand:] Lieut. Colonel George Armstrong Custer, who in 1876 led the 7th Cavalry against the Sioux
[Then He Overreached…] …divided his forces before knowing how big the enemy was, and was wiped out.
[On the Bright Side:] Whenever there’s a movie about him, we get to hear Garryowen
[Strong Man with a Strong Hand:] Franklin Roosevelt, who got mad when the Supreme Court overturned New Deal laws
[Then He Overreached…] …and tried to pack the Supreme Court, damaging his reputation.
[On the Bright Side:] WWII came along and ended the Depression
[Strong Man with a Strong Hand:] The intensity of actor David Caruso helped make NYPD Blue a first-year hit
[Then He Overreached…] …and then he threatened to quit unless he got a fabulous contract.
[On the Bright Side:] He was replaced by Jimmy Smits, a better actor with a better butt
[Strong Man with a Strong Hand:] Riding public discontent with Clinton, Newt Gingrich led the G.O.P. to victory and passed the Contract with America
[Then He Overreached…] …and when he couldn’t get concessions out of Clinton, shut down the government, a P.R. disaster.
[On the Bright Side:] It was during the government shutdown that Clinton met pizza girl Monica Lewinsky
ASK DR. NOTEBOOK
What’s with the Masks?
Dear Dr. Notebook: The hot Halloween costumes are Clinton masks and White House-intern getups, featuring blue dresses, berets and wigs. Why isn’t there an official Monica mask and costume?
The answer may be simple: fear of a lawsuit. About half the states recognize a right of publicity, which generally keeps people from commercially exploiting another’s name or face without his or her consent. These laws make licensing arrangements necessary, and so far, there’s no Monica licensing deal. Clinton enjoys these protections too, but few public officials have deemed the cost and bad publicity of a lawsuit worth the bother. Moreover, a government official’s lawsuit may violate free-speech protections.
And Those Mirrors?
Dear Dr. Notebook: At the Milan spring collections, Prada showed a mirror-studded leather coat. How would you care for such an item?
Dry cleaning, says Kathleen Huddy, director of textiles at the Good Housekeeping Institute, but get ready for a hefty bill. “After you’ve taken care of the leather cleaning, with foil protecting the mirrors, and used some glass cleaner, you could be looking at a New York City specialty- dry-cleaning bill between $50 and $300,” she says.
HAIKUS FROM THE STARS
Haikus are usually inspired by nature. But that makes writing haikus–three-line Japanese poems with a 5-7-5 syllable pattern–easy. Writing poetry when you have to spend your days listening to Bill Clinton or Limp Bizkit–that’s hard. We asked some people thus employed to write a haiku about autumn.
Arianna Huffington, syndicated columnist
FOR CLINTON ON A FALL BEACH In Lame Duck Summer Everyone wants to know When the pond will freeze
Matt Pinfield, MTV veejay
The rise of the fall brings new music to my ears and tunes from fall’s past
Tony Snow, Fox News commentator
Play’s done. School bell rings. Parents cling to fleeting things: hopes, fears, loves, dreams–time.
NEWS QUIZ taken from the week’s events
1 French high school students rioted this week because they wanted
a) sex b) drugs c) better schools d) richer sauces on their lunch food
2 To mark his 20th anniversary, Pope John Paul II released his 13th encyclical. It said
a) materialism is a moral challenge b) Clinton’s apology was O.K. c) faith and reason should be reunited d) Seals & Crofts should be reunited
3 Alan Greenspan unexpectedly ordered short-term interest rates cut 0.25%. This will probably lead to
a) a weaker yen b) really boring news stories c) increased spending d) the rich getting richer
4 Nickelodeon has put a “TV-PG, D, L” warning before its reruns of All in the Family. Why?
a) Archie’s bigoted language b) Archie’s treatment of women c) Archie’s loud toilet flushing d) Rob Reiner’s facial hair
5 John Hume and David Trimble won the Nobel Peace Prize for
a) fixing that problem in Yugoslavia b) bringing a peace accord to Ireland c) producing the Mariah Carey-Whitney Houston duet
6 The new coalition running Germany began work on a timetable to close all the country’s nuclear power plants. This is because
a) the Green Party worries about the ecological dangers b) the Social Democrats promised jobs to coal workers c) the country is running out of places to store nuclear waste d) Do you really want Germany to have access to nuclear material?
7 The people in this picture are doing something in Tiananmen Square for the first time since 1949. What is it?
a) performing martial arts b) pushing away invisible tanks c) auditioning for the Chinese road company of A Chorus Line d) expressing individuality
Answers: 1-c; 2-c; 3-c; 4-a; 5-b; 6-a; 7-a
THEN & NOW
1863 Parisian Culture Police turn up their noses and shut their exhibit spaces to innovative new painters. In response, the artists establish the Salon de Refuses and exhibit such landmark paintings as Edouard Manet’s Le dejeuner sur l’herbe.
1998 Cinematic Culture Police at Sundance and elsewhere turn up their noses and close their festivals to new directors. In response, the filmmakers hold the Reject FilmFest in Philadelphia and show new classics like Trout, the tale of a man and his talking fish.
FORE!
CLOSET REPUBLICANS? For its November issue, Travel & Leisure Golf magazine unearthed a never before published photo, taken in 1959, of Fidel Castro and Che Guevara–gulp–playing golf.
NUMBERS
51 Percentage of Americans who believe that a man-made disaster will wipe out civilization during the next century
75 Percentage of Americans who believe a major and deadly disease will appear by 2025
$90,767 Amount Linda Tripp is paid at the Pentagon following a $2,594 routine raise in August
$1.25 million Amount Ken Starr’s law firm paid him last year while he was probing the President
429 Number of FORTUNE 500 companies with female directors, up from 345 in 1993
2064 Predicted year that women will reach parity with men in the boardroom
$2.8 million Amount an Iranian foundation offered for killing Salman Rushdie for blaspheming Islam
$450 Amount New Orleans Saints coach Mike Ditka has so far fined himself for cursing this season
Sources USA Today, New York Daily News, Catalyst, Associated Press, New Orleans Times-Picayune
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